Startups Anonymous Est. 2013 · Read-only archive
Stories

Felonies and I don’t know …

I don’t think I could survive in any other context than what I live in now, and it scares me because sometimes I don’t even know how I’m doing or what I’m doing.

Disclosure: This is more of a rant than a story; my mind is all over the place, as is my thought process and writing style. Please bear with me.

I’m an entrepreneur that has somehow rocked the boat with a pair of lucky exits. They’re nothing to write home about, but I did make a nice chunk of change. Both were in the hosting industry when I was 20-turning-21.

When I was 19, 4 years ago, I got into a bit of legal trouble and was (gifted) three felonies. Nothing life-threatening — security-related stuff mostly. I didn’t do any time, had less than $1k in restiution to pay. Had to do some community service but that was it.

It hasn’t hindered me on a serious-enough level to really write about it. The only thing it has really hurt is my housing situation, however I’m usually able to find a way around it. But regarding my paper: It’s scary because I think that, if someone decides to lose it at me (for whatever reason), they’ll bring that up and promptly terminate my hot streak. I’m very candid with what happened, and it’s always one of the first things I bring up when an offer is about to come my way. “Just an FYI, there’s no way in hell I can pass a background check.” “Why not?” “Well, when I was 19, I …”

I didn’t mean to hurt anyone, financially or emotionally. I had hit rock-bottom and I was just trying to survive. Trying to live. Trying to feel normal in a middle-class family where everything else went right, except for me. I didn’t have a place to go mentally, or emotionally. I was a black sheep.

I did one semester at Caltech and then dropped out. I couldn’t afford it — out-of-state or in-state tuition (from Minneapolis). I wanted a fresh start, but I didn’t realize what I was up against. I had plans to major in Neurology, and looking back on it, I should have done something with CompSci. Why didn’t I? Everyone who ever told me I was a whiz with computers, I just disregarded as “they just don’t spend enough time with me; they’re smarter than me, just not as devoted.”

It was a confidence play.

I have never participated in a user group of any kind. I don’t submit to OSS because I just don’t think that my code is good enough. I’m not an expert programmer at all, but I can figure shit out. I’m not an expert marketer, but I can break down campaigns and products. I can write ad copy, but it’s as free-wheeling as that of early-Groupon’s copy; before Groupon turned into a complete shithole.

I market myself as an entrepreneur who just happens to code, or the tech version of Baseball’s Utility Player. However, I try to use entrepreneur lightly because I haven’t created Facebook. I don’t have self-made success like Atlassian. I didn’t sell something to SalesForce. And while I have done okay, I just don’t know. I have the gusto, mindset, curiosity, creativity, and endless drive of an entrepreneur though, which is a good take-away.

Again, confidence…

I’ve turned down jobs. Amazon, Google, and Tumblr all came to me and tried to get me on board. When it came time for the offer, I couldn’t comprehend what they were trying to say, so I said, no thanks. I don’t know why I did it. The self-starter in me just couldn’t justify the fact it was happening. I didn’t want to be compared to guys who had been committing to huge OSS projects like Rails or Memecached either… because I’m not one of those, and even though I may have passed the tech interview, I was convinced it was because I had a likable, loose personality that’s always upbeat.

I’ve sat next to Mark Andreessen in meetings, and he has phoned me more than a dozen times to me to get high-level feedback about x, y, or z. I find him flattering, and he finds me insightful. It’s a good takeaway, but no matter what, I still feel like that puppy that everyone wants to pet because it only has three limbs to walk on.

I have all four (+1, as a male), don’t get me wrong.

My mentor, who has raked in over $400,000 since he was 26 (now 39), says that one day I’ll be hiring him and he’ll be working for me. People almost always say that I’m the smartest guy in the room, but it depends on how I use my intelligence: how I filter and channel it.

Everyone thinks I’m smart, and I just think I’m curious. I’m curious enough to figure things out. I’m curious enough to make an exceptional living with a beaten, rough past. I’m curious enough to want to yearn towards greater goals and aspirations.

I just think I’m me. While other’s opinions are taken gracefully in stride, and gratefully recipricated. That’s great, but when it comes down to it, I’m just confused.

But what if this bubble bursts?

I’m scared. I’m scared for my future. Optimistic, but scared. I know I’ll always have a job one way or another, don’t get me wrong.

The future freaks me out.

8 answers from the community

AAnonymous· Sep 14, 2014

You need to define and aim for defined goals. You are gifted but aimless and scattering your energies in umpteen directions.

If you're doing this well at your age, you'll do even better in the future. Just decide what to do.

There's no shame in working for big.corp. Why aren't you taking these jobs you're offered?

AAnonymous· Sep 15, 2014

OP here:

First, thanks for the kind words. I was kind of timid when writing, and fearful of reactions. But like most things, you can desensitize yourself with practice and patience.

RE: Goals -- I've always been afraid of goals. I grew up around dream assassins: at a young age, if I were to say, "I want to go to Stanford", father would come back with "you're not smart enough." Yeah, I'm older now, wiser, and everything else, but shit like that sticks with you. It's something that I'm working on improving every day, though.

People often ask me, "what's your goal?" and I simply say (and this is immature), "to give the finger to everyone who ever told me I couldn't, saying 'I told you so'"

I've heard many times that my energies and focus is all over the place. I don't disagree with this at all, but I've always found it difficult to focus on something long-term because sooner or later I get bored. This is the reason for why I like to do more than just sling out code, and instead wear many different hats -- it allows me to play to my strengths, and allow my weaknesses (in this case focusing) to sit in the back of the room.

Why aren't I taking the jobs? Fear mostly. Fear of getting there and then for whatever reason getting the boot. For what it's worth, I am, however, currently making six-figures acting as a CTO for a startup that's about to get a huge cash infusion. I'm content, and mindful of my strengths and weaknesses.

AAnonymous· Sep 15, 2014

I take Adderall, clicks to focus button.

AAnonymous· Sep 15, 2014

OP here:

I'm on Vyvanse. I made the switch not too long ago, and you should too if you haven't considered it / tried it already. It's night and day.

AAnonymous· Sep 16, 2014

Don't worry about the future. Don't worry about goals. Opportunities will always come and may even be unexpected. You can only plan out your future to some extent. Personally, it's fearing the unexpected what gets me. Not knowing. But hoping. and as long as you're looking up, that's all that matters.

Try not to worry so much about proving to others or even being better than others. or better said, not seeing yourself as "good" as others. It is not a competition between you and others, its a competition between you and yourself only.

Saying you are not the smartest person in the room is a completely inadequate statement. You are in that room for a reason. So is the guy next to you, but for a different reason perhaps. And that reason can not simply be measured or compared against any others in the room. Its a collaboration of people bring their different strengths together to create something magnificent.

Don't fear having room for improvement. Don't fear being wrong. Don't fear being misunderstood. And don't fear the future, because its going to come whether you're ready or not. And just to let you know, you probably won't ever be ready, we never really are.

Also... living situations. Yes, it may be shitty now, but you wont have that mindless roommate or that squeaky shower head, so to speak, forever. Like you said, you always figure it out.

AAnonymous· Sep 16, 2014

Have you been evaluated for ADHD by a competent professional? You sound manic, possibly overdosed on Vyvanse, or untreated. Medicine without coaching is only 20-30%effective. Signed, one who knows.

AAnonymous· Sep 16, 2014

OP here:

I've been evaluated more than I wish to admit. I've seen many different psychiatrists and professionals to try to figure stuff out.

Regarding how manic I may seem -- it's a soup of things: ADHD/ADD, anxiety, creativity, some depression, overwhelming happiness... so yeah kind of manic. My daily cocktail is Vyvanse, Paxil, Hydroxozine (insomnia), and Ativan for my freak-outs (I have a sick mother which compounds things greatly).

If you'd like, I'd like to be a friend to you. You can shoot me an email. flx@hmamail.com

AAnonymous· Sep 22, 2014

"... 4 years ago, I got into a bit of legal trouble and was (gifted) three felonies."

Gifted? Way to not accept responsibility for your own actions.

"... I’ve sat next to Mark Andreessen in meetings, and he has phoned me more than a dozen times ... to get high-level feedback"

Your troll game is <em>strong</em>, bro.