It seems our problem as readers is the same as the writer's problem as a victim. We disagree as to whether and how to assign blame for something. Our natural tendency once our discomfort is challenged is to take sides and then dig our heels in until our positions become extreme.
In reality, this is a SUPER touchy subject. Lots of shit goes down when young adults drink to excess. Lots of stupid shit that people say and do. Lots of irresponsible shit. And yes, sometimes criminal shit. But in cases where judgment becomes so insanely and irresponsibly blurred, it is true that one party may interpret something as criminal behavior while the other person doesn't.
Courts have an extremely difficult time assigning blame in situations like this. So should we. Gobs of factors play into it. We can sit outside in judgment all we want, and we can dig in our heels professing one side to be right and the other side to be wrong, but the fact of the matter is that this shit treads in the horrible, awkward, painful, confusing, gut-wrenching fuzzy zone.
The truth is that I think she was probably raped and that the guy is a probably a mentally weak asshole who should get kicked in the balls super hard sometime. We know he groped her. She knows she was touched well beyond her comfort zone and without her permission. We don't know whether and what further happened - and it would seem she doesn't either since she didn't report it either way.
So the truth at that point is that she could have reviewed the facts of what happened on the morning she woke up and firmly determined that she would chalk it up to super poor judgment on both of their parts. She could have suffered deep regret from her super poor judgment and hope that he would suffer deep regret from his super poor judgment. She could have figured out how to move on from the situation in a way that doesn't over inflate the horrific discomfort of the situation by turning into a sense of victimization that goes well beyond what she actually felt in the moment.
The truth is that she found herself unable to reconcile a horrifically uncomfortable situation and so she gradually moved further and further down the path toward the rape sign. He found himself unwilling to reconcile a horrifically uncomfortable situation and so he gradually moved further and further down the path toward the "drunk shit happens" sign. In my mind, neither of them is right. They both fell victim to labels that society has created and an unwillingness on society's part to let any of this shit sit in the gray zone.
From my perspective, it is society's very strong demand that we steadfastly take sides in matters that are this f'ed up that's really to blame. We castigate the opposing side in a manner that goes well beyond what the situation calls for. She insists on becoming more of a victim and he insists on becoming more of an innocent.
We can't know what's right or wrong. We weren't there. As somebody accurately reported, this is one perspective. The guy could probably write his own account that would credibly make him seem decidedly less guilty. And he might even completely and wholeheartedly believe every word he wrote. Let's back off from this war mentality and use it to recognize the astounding need for everyone to follow a professional code of conduct in professional situations - no matter how friendly they might become.