My startup ruined my marriage – and I am now living with my parents.
18 answers from the community
Your choices ruined your marriage. Some people can't handle not having a spouse around all the time. They want the 9-5 spouse. Also, if not paying yourself meant they had to do without, then that can also be a deal breaker. Not everyone can live with uncertainty.
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My consulting business went bad and my wife did not want to pay a higher share on the rent and other costs. Although I have savings its all not rosy and I decided to move back with my parents to cut back on costs.
Not so great but keeps the company alive ... hoping to get more customers soon and recover. Beeing married with an entrepreneur is hard thing and unfortunately it not for everyone. Take this as a warning as your startup might ruin your marriage ...
This is a bit strange thought " Beeing married with an entrepreneur is hard thing ". "Hard" is actually when you need to do something, you can't say "hard" about <em>not doing something</em>. How would you understand "hard not to work", "hard to lie and not to run", "hard not to think", etc? All the woman needs is not think or act. And I completely don't understand why is this "hard" for them?!! This is unlogical and irrational.
// I'm married for half a year and very disappointed with this discover.
fail-fast
Only desperate woman would put up with never-been-available for her.
Be aware - Only gold diggers will stick to your obnoxiousness for using them only for your own needs and playing on your own terms. But men usually can't see that trough and some woman do know how to play you well. :-)
At the end of the day would you rather be rich or loved by a good woman. As you're discovering ... It's a very difficult thing to achieve both as an entrepreneur. If you want both then your path to achieving it cannot be the path you would set in your own mind based on your own needs. I wish you the best of luck.
At least now you have nothing left to lose.
Not sure I agree with a couple of the direct (harsh) responses here. This person is clearly in pain, and the last thing we, as peers, colleagues & fellow founders should be doing is judging him (?). Perhaps instead we can show a little love? So let me start.
I hear you. And you are not alone. My first startup succeeded, and it cost my first marriage. #7 & #8 failed at the same time & it cost me my 2nd. The actual cost of both was north of $1m, and the opportunity cost (of not working in corporate) was three times that, not to mention the upside of success. However, this is part of the cost the we often have "to pay to play". And now that you are starting to discover who you really are, sometime soon you are going to get back on the horse, and apply what you learnt from the last time it threw you off (both personally & professionally)
All my best, Daniel
Thanks Daniel. Actually I survived these bad times. The startup is now profitable and I am earning better than I did as an employee. I am still single but I will soon move to a larger city.
There is no magic rescue but it slowly gets better over time.
I am going through the same thing. My company is also taking me too much time from my off hour time. At this point I am not divorced and I am will do whatever it needs for not having to. However, its very difficult. I think the key is to balance the startup life with your personal life. You are not alone, its so difficult.
My first start up cost me everything (financially) but my wife stuck by me.
Everything we built over the previous 10 years had been lost. My second start up cost me a great deal of time with the family BUT we had a successful exit.. In that business my wife supported me and made my life easy when I walked through my doors at home.
I am now onto my third, with two kids. The stress is definitely taking its toll on my wife. It is not about the hours I work, but rather she has had to sacrifice so much of her life to stay home with the kids. Even when we work as hard as we do as entrepreneurs we get to socialise and travel and do inspiring things. Our spouses usually pay the price for that.
So what is my point? Your spouse needs to know what she/he is signing up too, and you need to know how to make it worth their while. It is hard, and that is why not many people choose this life. The fact that you are home with your parents is not a failure, it's merely a decision to solve a temporary problem. Remember don't let your external situation determine your internal state of mind.
Good luck and take from this learning to your next. My hardest lessons have been my biggest blessings, so based on your current experience you are headed for great things (just comes down to the choices to make in the present)
Get some new pussy
I'm sorry you are your wife (I read comments where you said she was a wife) are not together. This really is a very tough thing to go through. Perhaps you feel some small consolation that your story is at least preparing first time entrepreneurs for the real risks involved. It's better to go to battle well-informed.
The only real point in any marriage, in the most primitive sense, is to procreate; even most people in relationships nowadays don't need a paper to confirm the relationship status. If you plan to start a start-up, don't get married unless the wife/ husband is useful for your start-up and you both think in similar terms. At least, that's what I would do - marry for utility. ;)
My marriage in afraid is on the brinks of divorce. I supported my husband fully at first and of course the business isn't quite a success just yet. I'm about to give my husband the ultimatum of either stopping this business or losing me and our 4 kids with one on the way. I have a decent job and have been paying about 90% of the bills and I can't do this much longer, while he waits for this business to take off. It's been 7 months and he and his business partner cannot pay themselves. I know businesses can't be successful overnight but I'm so over him not bring able to help me with our finances. It's just too stressful for me.
My marriage I'm afraid is on the brinks of divorce. I supported my husband fully at first and of course the business isn't quite a success just yet. I'm about to give my husband the ultimatum of either stopping this business or losing me and our 4 kids with one on the way. I have a decent job and have been paying about 90% - 100% of the bills and I can't do this much longer, while he waits for this business to take off. He got a night job but that's not giving him the hours and not enough financial relief It's been 7 months and he and his business partner cannot pay themselves. I know businesses can't be successful overnight but I'm so over him not bring able to help me with our finances. It's just too stressful for me.
,,WHAT A WONDERFUL MAN