I cry almost every night. Being an entrepreneur with bi-polar is really fucking hard.
17 answers from the community
Being an entrepreneur is really fucking hard without bi-polar. I can't imagine what you are going through. Hang in there.
Being bipolar is really fucking hard without being an entrepreneur. I hate to say this, but I think being an entrepreneur is one of the worst things someone with bipolar disease can do in terms of managing their disease (I speak from experience). One of the best ways to manage the disease is a regular, predictable schedule (combined with medication). This means plenty of sleep, the same bed time, the same wake time, same meal times, and a managed, structured day every day. This is why so many people with bipolar present symptoms only after they graduate high school, when they leave a structured environment and are given full control over their time.
Being an entrepreneur, you're not only in a constant unstructured environment, but you're also likely subject to very long and unpredictable hours. This is real bad news. Now, I don't know what kind of bipolar you have, as like anything else the disease has a range of severity. But I have experienced first hand how this kind of environmental stress for an extended period of time can lead to a complete mental break including psychosis, paranoia, and hallucinations.
I'm not a doctor. I'm not your doctor. I'm just someone who has been where you are and I'm telling you what I learned is that it's not worth your health. If you're going to continue being an entrepreneur, the most important thing is to enforce structure, and get plenty of sleep. Crunches and all nighters will kill your mood and productivity faster than your peers, and you'll end up hospitalized with your business destroyed.
Have identical situation.
Keys are: Routine / Sleep / Medication / Exercise / Planning + Journaling. Makes it somewhat manageable. When not doing these things, I am all over the place - high + low.
Hang in there.
+1
+1
Being an entrepeneur is hard. Period. You don't have to cry though. I was there too, once. Why do you cry? Money? Time? Stress? Things don't align the way you want? Your condition gets in the way? All of that is normal. Being an entrepreneur is about doing the most out of any situation. You need to convince yourself that it's part of a "process", a journey... In fact, it really is a process and unfortunately you can't speed it up. You can make it enjoyable, but even that is hard. "Enjoy the journey..." What a bullshit. But one day, it will click... So easily... You'll see. And for now.... keep fighhting and hold on. It's well worth it.
PS: I did not have any "succesfull" company yet. I live of foodstamps and shitty part time jobs. However, whenever I work on my project, it's pure hapiness. Yes. My startup makes me HAPPY (and it all happened over night, once "it clicked").
I think being Bi-Polar is part of what can make you an excellent entrepreneur, the high level of energy and creativity can be an asset.
But the lows are really bad for everyone and I think that it can be dangerous if you are Bi-Polar so you have to beware of too much travelling or working all night. You can't compromise your lifestyle (which needs to be uber healthy) for your start up.
Most of my heroes have overcome some sort of "local", personal limitation. Consider your bipolar disease your own local limitation. You can overcome it, for sure. I'm 100% absolutely positive you can.
OP here. Thanks for all the kind words of support. I will agree with you 100% that the manic periods are absolutely amazing. My manic period coincided with the beginning to the middle of the accelerator we were at; then the depressive episode came.
I'm still in that right now. It's difficult. People were yelling wondering why I wasn't celebrating every victory. People were saying I was overreacting to things on a daily basis.
It took a while for me to just say leave me the fuck alone, I actually have a condition that doesn't let me feel happy nor feel normal. I was popping increased Zoloft, and they were detracting.
I'm in the midst of fundraising now, and while I've braced myself for the constant stream of rejections and living in limbo with the 'maybes' it's hard. I take my job very seriously, and I have to take care of my employees.
The tears aren't just general sadness. It's frustration. It's anger. It's a bundle of negative emotions and energy, but I'm doing what I can. At least I have my dogs who are in constant LICK OWNER! mode.
Once again, thanks for the kind words.
thank god for dogs
Yes, dogs!!!
Have you tried Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)?
This specifically can be useful for your fundraising related emotions.
For example, when in a depressive swing, having a VC reject you can lead to distorted thoughts like "we are never going to raise a single dollar....and me being a bipolar mess isn't going to help" (btw, this is how I think sometimes).
In CBT, the rational response would be "any startup is regularly turned down by VCs. This is has very little to do with me. We have a plan to target 50 VCs beyond this one."
CBT works for me as I can see it is not just a fancy way of saying "think positive and your depression will go away!". Instead it is very specific in addressing thought types that contribute to your depression.
hang in there.
I'm a two time founder/CEO with bipolar and I completely understand your struggle. My manic/hypomanic periods have coincided with my founding companies and their growth periods and my depressive episodes with my leaving them. The depression is incredibly strong and feels impossible to overcome. Therapy and proper medication has helped me a lot. Getting off typical SSRIs has dramatically helped my mood. They were making the depression worse, not better. I am currently on Latuda, an atypical anti-depressant tailored for bipolar depression, which seems to be working remarkably at setting a floor for my mood. Maybe you should consider it.
I also write a lot which has helped me focus my energy and thoughts into a coherent medium where I can remember them when I need to. This lets me basically say that I have completed my thought process on a certain subject so I can move on to the next one, instead of returning to it over and over again, especially in negative ways.
I also write publicly about my struggles which has actually led to an outpouring of support. You may be surprised about how much close friends are more akin to loving dogs than you may think. It will drive some people away, but those who really care about you will lick your tears.
http://onepercentbreadsticks.com/i-am-ill
OP hear. Thanks so much. I'm reading through your story. Really inspiring. Thanks!
+1
*Here.
I'm also bipolar - agree with the sleep, healthy lifestyle, journaling.
Take care of yourself, you can do this!