2 years ago I began a relationship with a women with 3 kids. I fell in love with all of them. My business isn’t making money. As much as I love them, I know they would be better off with a more stable man of the house. I think it’s best for them if I go.
13 answers from the community
Would they be better off if they had all the money in the world but no one to love and trust? Can anyone love them more than you do? Can you love anyone more than you love her? Think, have some faith in yourself, and make the decision.
Do they value you for the money you bring in it for the love you give them? Bet they're crazy about you no matter what you do...
Do they value you for the money you bring in or for the love that you give them? Bet they're crazy about you no matter what your occupation is...
You apparently need them as much as they need you. Letting them go will hurt both of you.
All of the above 'love' advice is impractical. I'd advise you think about ALL the things they need, love only being 1 need...you might give love but take away many of their other needs.
Let them be your reason to press on or start something new, not to give up.
your business isnt making money YET. kids today need to learn that perseverance, faith, focus and hard work are what is needed to succeed. why not be their teacher? love may not conquer all but just because you can't provide now does not mean you should leave them. then where will they be?
No parents are perfect. Set a good example, do your best, and communicate with your partner. My father not only started a company, but started a non-profit (!) while I was a kid. My mother was working at another non-profit part time, and I have a brother. Money was tight, but I learned so much from him about how to live your life.
I am sure they'd be appalled to hear you're even thinking this - you probably mean much more to them than money. It sounds like you're depressed, please consider seeking more formal help and support.
CAUTION!!!! I did this. dated and married a woman with 3 kids. Seemed like the nicest lady in the world too! It was the most wonderful experience falling in love with 4 people at one time.
However as soon as I legally adopted this children, she turned 180 degrees on me. Threatening divorce, etc. She may tell you how 'bad' her ex husband (or baby daddy) was for them to not be together. But think about it -- if she had 3 kids with someone and he can't stand to be with her, she may have some serious relationship issues. Maybe a control freak or witch or ???
I was self employeed during the entire time. sometimes making great money, sometimes more lean. she wanted me to quick and get a 'real job'. However she was very wasteful with the money I already made. Making more money is pointless if current money being thrown away due to carelessness.
We eventually divorced, and she has been non-stop legally attacking me ever since.
So just a huge warning, there may be serious reasons why she has 3 kids and no longer involved with their dad and now trying to draw you in. Those reasons are very likely not the reasons she told you. Want to get more information? Talk to her ex. Great chance whatever issues chased him away will be revealed. Better to avoid the trap now before you are drawn fully in.
Just to ad something to my previous story -- if you think it is HARD running & growing a company now, you can't even imagine how difficult it is to run a business when you have divorce lawyers destroying everything you have created, and having to spend vast resources of your own to legally defend yourself.
My business grew thru the dot-com burst, grew after 9/11, grew after the Iraq /Afgan wars, grew after the 'recession' and 'depression', grew after occupy movements, grew after Hurrican Katrina (I am located in New Orleans), grew after the economy meltdown, grew during the recovery, grew in spite of Bush & Obama lol.
However only this past year has my business declined, due to the hostile & unfair court restrictions that have effectively made it impossible to continue running my business in the way that made it successful all these years.
One bitter ex-wife was able to destroy more than all the wars, disasters, depressions, government, etc.
Divorce courts will always favor the moms, and assume the fathers are guilty. You will have an uphill battle.
Maybe this lady is a great match for you and the kids may make a wonderful family. But take a serious look at the situation. The way she acts and treats you while you are dating will be entirely different that when you are married and she knows you are 'trapped'.
3rd comment, lol
Finally, if you still go ahead with pursuing this woman, make sure it is legally defined before you get married that the business you created is prior property that you had before getting married. Otherwise if you divorce then she may claim half your business. If you clear this issue up prior marriage, then if marriage ends you still retain full ownership. I was luckily enough to have plenty of proof of prior ownership of it otherwise she would have taken half, and sold it out.
Good luck!!!
Depending on your situation you may have to stop. While love is important it won't feed a wife and 3 kids.
It's a huge responsibility you're taking on there and you might just have to take yourself back and do what needs to be done, which is providing a steady income and the security that comes with it.
Just my 2¢ though and very dependent on your situation.